


morning star

by almightykdy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Pining, a lot of pining, established johnjae, taeyong is a great friend honestly, tiny references to greek mythology, yuta is there for five seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-27 11:48:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17766230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almightykdy/pseuds/almightykdy
Summary: Doyoung had a simple plan for the day: go to the library, finish his essay and go back home.Finding a man to crush on wasn’t a part of the plan, and neither was falling in love with the man’s boyfriend, but Doyoung did it anyway.





	morning star

Doyoung is lonely. He’s felt lonely for so long that at this point it seems like the natural state for him. Even when he’s with his family or with his friends, there’s always something missing and he absolutely hates it, because he has no idea how to fix it. Getting drunk and hooking up with strangers only makes him feel worse the next day; talking about it only makes him realize just how bad he actually feels; trying to ignore it only leads to anger issues caused by repression; there’s really nothing that makes Doyoung feel better, at least not in the long run.

His best friend, Taeyong, is always trying his best to be helpful but there’s only so much his _it will get better once you find someone_ can do when Doyoung’s _someone_ is nowhere to be found. The fact that Doyoung is so dependent on someone he hasn’t even met yet only makes him angrier, because he doesn’t want to depend on anyone, he wants to be happy by himself, but he just can’t, he isn’t like that and he’s never been like that. But the difference now is that he needs more than hugs and kisses from his mother, he needs someone who’ll love him romantically, someone to go to when he feels exhausted, someone who’ll understand him better than he understands himself, he just desperately needs to find the _someone_ Taeyong’s always mentioning.

But never did Doyoung expect to find **someones**.

Doyoung saw Yoonoh for the first time at the library, when he was working on his final essay and Yoonoh was presumably studying for one of his exams. Just looking at the man felt like falling in love and Doyoung wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he came home that day and realized that he _might_ have a little crush on the library boy (he didn’t know his name yet). Yoonoh looked like he was sculpted by Aphrodite herself, like he was created to attract crowds, to make people feel love, to make people fall in love. Yoonoh, in Doyoung’s eyes, was the epitome of love itself.

Despite not usually spending more time at the library than necessarily needed, Doyoung suddenly found himself frequenting the facility in hopes of seeing the man again. He had no idea how often he went to the library, he had no idea whether he would even be at the library again, but Doyoung went there every day anyway and hoped for the best.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” Doyoung’s train of thought was interrupted by a voice coming from his left. Snapping out of his dreamy state, he quickly looked around and saw that the library is packed and the seat next to him is one of the last few vacant ones. One part of him wanted to tell the stranger that the seat is taken in hopes of his library boy coming in and sitting there, but Doyoung couldn’t even be sure if he’s coming that day, so he just nodded at the stranger with a forced smile which he hoped looked at least a bit sincere.

After stealing a few glances his way, Doyoung decided that the stranger is just as interesting as the man he originally came to see. He was tall and had broad shoulders but his face had delicate features that made him look slightly feminine, more gentle. Doyoung concluded that the stranger is just as beautiful as his library boy, but rather than Aphrodite, he would be Euphrosyne’s favorite. Unlike Aphrodite, whose presence is powerful, even forceful to a certain degree, Euphrosyne is joyous, the incarnation of grace. And just like Euphrosyne accompanied Aphrodite, Doyoung felt like this stranger could accompany his library boy. One is vigorous while the other is calm, and together they would work the best.

“My name’s Youngho,” the stranger said, most probably noticing the subtle glances Doyoung threw at him. He would normally feel embarrassed about being caught but somehow it didn’t matter with the stranger – with Youngho – because the smile on his face didn’t look forced, he didn’t look like Doyoung’s staring made him uncomfortable; it almost felt as if it was welcomed.

“Doyoung,” he replied and shook Youngho’s hand. His touch was gentle and even despite being so big in stature, his touch didn’t feel forceful at all. Doyoung’s mind once again trailed back to his library boy and he imagined what his touch would feel like. He wasn’t as tall as Youngho, but Doyoung felt like his touch would be more forceful; not to a point where it would be uncomfortable, but forceful enough to make you pay attention to him and him only, completely forgetting about the rest of the world.

“You look distracted, Doyoung,” Youngho interrupted his day-dreaming once again, but Doyoung wouldn’t complain in the slightest. He liked that Youngho cared enough to point it out and he liked the sound of his own name coming out of the man's mouth even more. If he could, he would ask Youngho to say his name over and over again.

“I’m just,” _comparing you to this other guy I saw here and realizing that I’m really attracted to both of you_ his mind supplied, but he couldn’t say that out loud for obvious reasons. “Thinking about certain people,” he opted to say instead. It wasn’t as ominous as _thinking about stuff_ but it also wasn’t specific enough for Youngho to figure out that he’s the person Doyoung’s thinking about.

“What a coincidence, I also think about certain people sometimes,” Youngho said with a chuckle. Doyoung liked the sound a lot.

Doyoung continues being a frequent visitor of the library after the encounter and, as it turns out, Youngho is there often as well. Doyoung just never noticed him because he was looking for his library boy. He still wants to see him again, but now that he has Youngho who often sits next to him and they sometimes talk in hushed whispers, the library boy isn’t his priority anymore.

It’s about three weeks after he met Youngho when the library boy appears again. And somehow it’s not a surprise when he walks towards Youngho who introduces him as Yoonoh, his boyfriend. Doyoung probably should feel sad or disappointed considering he has a crush on both of them, but he’s happy, content. Aphrodite and Euphrosyne’s favorites should be together, just like Doyoung imagined on the first day he met Youngho.

And just like Doyoung also imagined on the first day he met Youngho, they were perfect together. It was as if they predicted each other’s words, gestures, movements; it was incredible to watch them. (Doyoung felt like a bit of a creep because of his constant staring, but the couple didn’t seem to notice; or maybe they just didn’t care.) They were like day and night but not in a way that would make it impossible for them to coexist because they’re the complete opposites of each other, but because after seeing them together Doyoung couldn’t imagine them without each other anymore.

Yoonoh was a bright summer day while Youngho was a warm autumn night and Doyoung wished to be Venus, their morning and evening star, the connecting point between them.

Even despite having his boyfriend there, Youngho doesn’t leave Doyoung behind and while he is whispering things to his boyfriend more often than not, he doesn’t forget to tell Doyoung what’s going on as well; even if he’s just complaining about all the studying he has to do. And the more they run into each other at the library (eventually it turns from coincidental meetings into planned study sessions) the more Doyoung falls for the both of them; and although it was scary at first, opening his heart to two people at once, Doyoung quickly realizes that he doesn’t mind falling as long as it’s Yoonoh and Youngho he’s falling for.

The downside of this whole thing was that while Doyoung was quick to admit to himself that he likes two people at once, both the same amount, he also needed to accept that those two are already in a relationship with each other. A relationship so harmonious that Doyoung couldn’t imagine himself fitting in, no matter how welcomed both Yoonoh and Youngho made him feel when they were all together. It was just friendship for them while it meant so much more to Doyoung, but he never acted on his feelings, never tried to ruin what the two of them had because he knew how much he would genuinely despise himself for getting in the middle of something so flawless.

It sometimes felt like it’s too much for Doyoung to handle alone, but more often than not, he was just happy to have the opportunity to be close to the couple, even if he was just their friend.

  


Call him selfish but he wanted to keep this new friendship to himself; he wanted it to be a secret from Doyoung’s other friends simply because it made it feel like it’s more than what it actually was – a simple, nice friendship. Not even Taeyong, the person Doyoung considered his best friend, knew about the library rendezvous he had every Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. Taeyong believed Doyoung’s half-lie about realizing library is actually a good place for studying and didn’t ask more questions when he saw Doyoung leaving their shared apartment.

He couldn’t keep it a secret anymore after the _Yuta incident_ happened. Doyoung can’t blame Taeyong, he really can’t, but he still wants to because if it wasn’t for him, neither him or Yuta would have to go through the embarrassment of Doyoung explaining he isn’t actually looking for anyone after Yuta told him he’s been thinking about asking Doyoung out for a while now, but didn’t have the guts to do so until Taeyong mentioned how _lonely_ his best friend is. None of that would happen if Doyoung just told Taeyong that he’s actually quickly falling in love with two men he met at the library few weeks, maybe few months back. Doyoung kind of gave up on the concept of time long time ago; he just knew that he’s known Yoonoh and Youngho long enough to know that he definitely isn’t up for meeting and starting to date anyone else. And it was probably time to tell Taeyong to make sure no more _Yuta incidents_ will happen in the future.

“So you’re in love with two guys at the same time,” Taeyong stated, trying his best to comprehend what Doyoung was saying. “And those two are in a relationship with each other, and you’re their friend,” Doyoung wanted to roll his eyes and tell his best friend something along the lines of _‘that’s literally what I just said’_ but he understood that it’s a messy situation, and Taeyong was the sweetest person Doyoung knew so he toned down his snappy attitude a bit. “I clearly don’t know anything about the whole situation, but shouldn’t you be trying to move on instead of indulging in this idea of being a part of what they have?” Taeyong was the sweetest person Doyoung knew, and he was also the most caring one (stupid cancers with their stupid need to take care of everyone around them). His best friend has always wanted only the best for him and Doyoung knew that getting over Yoonoh and Youngho is what’s best for him, but he liked _indulging in this idea of being part of what they have_ , as Taeyong described it.

The thing was that Yoonoh and Youngho made him feel so included every time they were together that it was hard _not to indulge_ in it. Except the lack of skinship directed at Doyoung, they treated him the same way they treated each other; they asked about his days, listened to him rant about school, calmed him down when it got too much, encouraged him with sweet words of affection, told him how amazing Doyoung is and how great it is to have met someone like him. They made Doyoung feel loved, made him forget about the hole in his chest he felt few months back, made him feel less lonely, made him feel not lonely at all. In Doyoung’s head that was enough, it already felt like a relationship to him, minus all the innocent (and the not-so-innocent) touches Yoonoh and Youngho were always exchanging.

He told Taeyong all that, and he hated the sad look his best friend gave him then. “I’m glad they make you feel like that, I really am,” Taeyong said, and Doyoung knew he means it, but he also knew that there’s a big _but_ coming his way. “But you can’t live like this, Doyoung. From what you’re saying, it sounds a lot like they also have feelings for you, but you need to communicate. You need to tell them how you feel, continuing with this is not only going to hurt you eventually, but it’s also unfair to them to tell yourself you’re a part of their relationship without them actually knowing,” Doyoung hated that Taeyong was right. Even though Doyoung would actually never tell anyone he’s in a relationship with Yoonoh and Youngho, he knew his brain started to believe it and that really was unfair to the couple since they never agreed to it; it wasn’t actually real.

But as much as Doyoung was aware of it being wrong, he wouldn’t talk to them, he wouldn’t tell them how he feels because there was no way in hell he’s going to risk them thinking he’s a creep fetishizing other people’s relationships because he definitely isn’t that.

And once again, he didn’t want to blame Taeyong because he didn’t deserve to be blamed, but after their conversation it dawned down on Doyoung just how big of a mess he’s gotten himself into by falling in love with two people who were madly in love with each other, and had the most beautiful relationship Doyoung’s ever witnessed (and that’s saying a lot considering he got to witness how deeply in love his grandparents are).

Doyoung didn’t cry too often, it was actually rare for him to let the tears come out and just break down, but he cried for hours that night. Taeyong and him weren’t really too affectionate with each other, but Doyoung felt incredibly grateful for Taeyong that night when the man silently crawled into his bed and held him close without saying a single word and just let him cry.

Waking up was surprisingly easy, and Doyoung believed that Taeyong’s arm wrapped around his waist was a big part of the reason why, because it let Doyoung know that whatever happens in the future, however his story with Yoonoh and Youngho will end, his best friend will be there for him no matter what, and maybe that’s what’s really important.

It was Sunday which meant that there is no study session planned, but Yoonoh texted him anyway, asking Doyoung if he’s free to hang out with Youngho and him. It wasn’t the first time it happened; over the course of the time they’ve known each other for, both Youngho and Yoonoh reached out and arranged a non-study meeting. They asked individually sometimes but majority of the time it was all three of them hanging out together.

What made this time different was that Yoonoh invited Doyoung over. Doyoung has never actually been to their place before. He’s stood in the hallway a few times when either Yoonoh or Youngho needed to quickly grab something from their apartment, but the three of them never actually hung out there. Thanks to his conversation with Taeyong, he knew not to overthink it. People invite their friends over all the time and it doesn’t mean they want to date them.

Even despite trying to calm himself by rationally explaining to his own heart that this doesn’t mean anything, that this is just something friends do after knowing each other for a while, Doyoung was still nervous when he knocked on the door of Yoonoh and Youngho’s apartment. “Doyoung,” Youngho exclaimed cheerfully after opening the door and letting him in. He half-hugged half-patted Doyoung on the back while shouting _Doyoung’s here_ to inform his boyfriend that, well, Doyoung’s there. Yoonoh went for the same form of greeting as he also side-hugged Doyoung, keeping their bodies pressed together a bit longer than Youngho did.

As it turned out, being with them at their apartment was both a blessing and a curse, because they were both more comfortable in their own home (as expected) and they weren’t that hesitant to be affectionate towards Doyoung. It wasn’t anything remotely intimate, but Doyoung still thrived from the attention he was receiving, even if it wasn’t more that random pats on his arm or accidental slaps on his thigh when Youngho laughed too hard and needed to hold onto something (his touches never lingered longer than necessarily, unfortunately for Doyoung). However, the downside of this was that it also served to feed Doyoung’s illusion of them including Doyoung in their relationship, which is something they definitely were not doing. Doyoung could already see the look of pity on Taeyong’s face when he tells him about it later.

One thing the three of them never talked about was Yoonoh and Youngho’s relationship. It was obvious to everyone and anyone that they are together, that they love each other, but Doyoung never asked about it and the two of them never started talking about it on their own accord. But being in their apartment, sitting on their couch, seeing the domesticity radiating from them, Doyoung got curious about how it all started. “When did you start dating?” He asked the couple even despite not being sure whether the answer will hurt him or make his heart feel fuller.

It was Yoonoh who talked first and after affirming with Doyoung that he wants the whole story, he got right into it. Yoonoh and Youngho met in high school. Youngho was homeschooled for a long time and his teacher wasn’t the best, and so when it was time to start high school, he was too behind to start attending with people his age, and so even despite Youngho being older, Yoonoh and him started high school together. It all started as nothing more than friendship with neither of them wanting or planning to go further than that, because they simply didn’t see each other like that. They soon found out that they have a lot in common and their friendship quickly blossomed and by the end of freshman year, neither of them was hesitant to call the other best friend.

Sophomore year was basically the same, they went through their first big argument, but only few days later they were back in each other’s arms, apologizing for how stupid they were (funnily enough, neither of them remembers what the fight was even about). It was the summer before their junior year when their friendship became something more, all because Yoonoh was self conscious about not having his first kiss yet and he turned to Youngho for help (just like he did with everything). His best friend then told him that he shouldn’t feel pressured into doing it just because he wants to get it over with.

They didn’t kiss that day, but it still became the turning point for their relationship because they both started realizing that they started seeing something more than just a friend in the other. Youngho realized that he didn’t kiss Yoonoh that day because he wanted Yoonoh to kiss him because it’s him, not just because he has a pair of lips, and Yoonoh realized that he doesn’t actually feels pressured to have his first kiss, he just really wants to kiss his friend. It took them few more weeks to open up about the shift in their feelings and finally, they entered their junior year as a couple.

“Who would have thought two Aquariuses would end up together,” Youngho said after they finished retelling their story. Doyoung wasn’t sure what exactly that meant since he himself wasn’t that knowledgeable about astrology, but he assumed Aquariuses don’t fall in love with each other too often. “You know what they say, two Aquariuses may not form a romantic relationship too often, but when they do, even the sky isn’t the limit,” Yoonoh then said and shared a sweet kiss with his boyfriend. It wasn’t long enough to make Doyoung uncomfortable, it was basically just a peck, but it was still easy to see that they are meant to be.

“What’s your star sign, Doyoung?” Youngho asked and only then did Doyoung realize that wait, he’s also an Aquarius. “Mhm, makes sense,” Yoonoh said after Doyoung revealed his star sign. He wasn’t sure what the _makes sense_ was supposed to mean, but he was too scared to ask, and so he just nodded as if he knew exactly what Yoonoh is talking about. (He had no clue.)

  


“I love them,” was the first thing Doyoung said when he got back to his and Taeyong’s apartment that evening. “I love them so fucking much,” all Taeyong could do was hug his friend and mumble _I know you do_ because honestly what else was he supposed to do? He couldn’t tell his friend to forget about them since that clearly wasn’t an opinion, and he also couldn’t comfort him with _it’s going to be okay_ because he didn’t know how this whole thing is going to end. Taeyong couldn’t do anything besides being there for his best friend. (Doyoung wouldn’t even ask for more than that.)

The best way to get over them would be to stop all contact, to stop hanging out with them every time they ask him to, and Doyoung knew all that, but he didn’t actually try to get over them, because he knew that he doesn’t want to; that he’s not ready to, not yet. Despite how much it hurt him to realize that he’s not actually a part of their relationship each time they parted ways for the day, and Yoonoh and Youngho left together while Doyoung walked home alone, he wasn’t ready to give up on loving them. And as time progressed, he was less and less sure that he ever will be.

“Have you thought about telling them?” Taeyong asked carefully few weeks after Doyoung told him everything. His best friend knew better than to ask or talk about them constantly, but this has been something he’s been wondering ever since he found out about Doyoung’s feelings for his two friends. Taeyong suggested telling them when they talked about this for the first time, but he hasn’t actually asked directly if Doyoung _wants_ to tell them.

“What if they hate me?” Doyoung asked back instead of answering. He’s considered confessing a few times before, but all the scenarios in his head always led to a heartbreak on his part. He knew how nice Youngho and Yoonoh are, and he knew that they would most probably try their best to make Doyoung feel like it’s okay, but their friendship would get awkward no matter how much they would try, especially after finding out that it wasn’t a gradual process of falling for them after being friends for a while; Doyoung’s always looked at them the way they looked at each other, they just never noticed. There was always love – or at least infatuation – involved on his part. He liked Yoonoh the second he saw him for the first time, and he didn’t feel any different about Youngho. For Doyoung there was never time of knowing the two during which he wouldn’t be completely enamored with them.

Taeyong believed that both of them love Doyoung just as much as he loves them, and he told Doyoung as much, but his words were always ignored. Doyoung always completely denied the possibility; not necessarily because he would think it’s not true, but because he was scared of it not being true. If he actually started believing it, it would only break his heart more once he finally gathers up enough courage to talk to them, thinking they love him back when in reality they don’t feel anything more than platonic love for him.

It’s been over six months since their first meeting when Doyoung finally told them.

He was visiting their place once again that day (it became sort of a tradition during the past two months for Doyoung to come over every Sunday). Doyoung’s been preparing for that particular Sunday the whole week and with Taeyong’s help and unconditional support, he was ready to let it all out, not caring about the possible heartbreak he is going to have to endure when they turn him down in the nicest way possible, because that’s just the way they are.

“I love you,” the three of them were sitting on the couch when Doyoung dropped the bomb. He could see Yoonoh opening his mouth, but it was obvious he only wanted to say _love you too_ back to him, clearly not understanding the weight of Doyoung’s confession. “Romantically. I love you both romantically,” he quickly added and Yoonoh shut his mouth immediately. Doyoung wasn’t sure what exactly he was expecting to happen or how exactly he expected them to react, but the silence that took over the room after his confession physically pained him. Both Youngho and Yoonoh were just staring at him, looking like they want him to say more even though there wasn’t really much more to say, but Doyoung mentally said _fuck it_ and started talking again since this might as well be the only opportunity he will ever get to tell them everything.

“When we met for the first time,” he said, looking at Youngho. “You told me I look distracted and I told you I’m just thinking about certain people,” he hated how vividly he remembered every detail about meeting Youngho (and Yoonoh as well), but the fact that Youngho nodded, clearly remembering it as well, made him feel less pathetic. “I was thinking about you, about both of you,” he then looked at Yoonoh who was staring right back at him. He had both of their undivided attention and even though neither of them said a word yet, it calmed him down that he hasn’t been kicked out of their apartment yet either.

“I saw Yoonoh for the first time before I met Youngho,” he told them the whole story then. How he compared Yoonoh to Aphrodite while Youngho personified Euphrosyne in his head, and how he felt infatuated with both of them right away. How easy it was to fall in love because of how welcoming and loving they were, because of how included they made him feel. Doyoung told Yoonoh all about how he’s a bright summer day, he told Youngho all about how he’s a warm autumn night and he told both of them how perfect they are together, how he’s never wanted one more than the other because there’s no way to love Yoonoh without loving Youngho and there’s no way to love Youngho without loving Yoonoh.

Doyoung didn’t even notice he started crying, he had no idea at which point in the story he started crying, but he could feel the tears running down his cheeks when he stopped talking. Yoonoh and Youngho were still both looking at him, but now there was worry in their eyes, and Doyoung started mentally preparing himself for when the worry in their eyes turns into pity instead. Pity for the man who fell in love with two people who were already in love with each other.

But the look of pity never came. Yoonoh and Youngho turned to each other at the exact same time, and they also nodded at each other at the exact same time. Doyoung had no idea what that exchange was supposed to mean, but before he could occupy his mind with that, there was a hand on his left cheek and a finger wiping away all the tears on that side of his face, and when Doyoung finally dared to look up, he saw Yoonoh looking at him with a soft smile on his face. There was no pity in his eyes and worry seemed to morph into something akin to love. Doyoung’s head was spinning and he forgot how to breathe when Yoonoh leaned in, but he didn’t fight it in any way, didn’t pull away, and the second he felt Yoonoh’s lips pressed against his own, nothing else mattered. The kiss was slow but passionate nevertheless and it was everything Doyoung expected Yoonoh’s kisses to be.

Doyoung has no recollection of how long the kiss lasted, but only after Yoonoh pulled away did Doyoung become hyperaware of their surroundings, of Youngho sitting next to them and watching it happen – letting it happen. But before Doyoung could say anything, before he could ask what exactly is going on, his lips were occupied once again; this time by a gentle kiss from Youngho. Even if he didn’t see Youngho leaning in, it would be easy for Doyoung to tell who’s kissing him. Just like their personalities, their kisses were different from each other yet there was the same feeling of familiarity blooming in Doyoung’s chest in both cases.

“We love you too, Doyoung,” he heard Yoonoh whisper in his ear, and maybe it should feel odd for Yoonoh to say that while Doyoung’s kissing his boyfriend, but it didn’t feel odd at all; it felt right, it felt like this is the way it’s supposed to be. “We love you so much,” Youngho them mumbled against his lips and kissed the corner of his mouth before pulling away with the grin Doyoung’s grown to love so much.

Doyoung then thought back to how he compared Yoonoh to the day while he compared Youngho to the night, and he figured that maybe he could be their Venus after all.

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/almightykdy) if you want to talk or yell at me, your choice


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